Who I Am

Shahana and Baby cuddling at Christmas
Baby’s first Christmas!

Hey all!

If you couldn’t guess, I’m Shahana.

First Glance:

On the surface I’m a 30-something mother of two, spouse, partner, puppy mom, teacher, and so much more. I’m a North Dakota transplant (born and raised in Arizona), and have a bachelors in Math and Computer Science, which I used for all of a few months before deciding I’d rather make coffee for a living. I spent my days surrounded by college kids, and then the evening surrounded by my own chaotic household.  Now I work at retirement home doing fun stuff with seniors. It’s fun and it’s challenging.  It’s life!

Another Angle:

Depressed Shahana cuddling a stuffed sheep
Baby Floof and I on a bad day…

I’m also Shahana, a girl with a whole alphabet soup of mental issues.  Bipolar 2, and the ADD, anxiety, and compulsive tendencies that seem to follow me everywhere. I was diagnosed with bipolar in high school, but managed to maintain balance with meds and therapy. Eventually, though, the kids, work, and a concussion with lasting (possibly permanent) damage caught up with me and I’ve had to completely rebuild my life.

Sleep was/is mandatory.  Food is critical.  Most importantly, the slightest tip in my balance sends me into a spiral.  It’s exhausting and it’s terrifying, but it’s also life.

Put It All Together:

Shahana with a sleeping baby on her shoulder
Sleepy baby!

Date time with EileenSomewhere in the middle of all that, there exists Shahana.  A me that is both joyful and afraid. I try to get through the days as best I can, taking pleasure and being productive when I have the heart, but muddling through on the days I don’t. Some days I wake up, clean, play with my kids, hang out with friends, and do all the “normal” stuff a mother supposedly should.  Some days it’s just enough to wake up and eat. It’s not perfect, but it’s me.  And I could never pretend to be anything else (nor would I want to!).