The writing was on the wall, I suppose. We knew that my time at my job was no longer sustainable. The stress was off the charts and there was no hope of improvement. I was getting no breaks, running nonstop (seriously…like 8 hours straight of cardio), and management seemed hell-bent on running me out. I could hear the pitchforks being sharpened. Add to all that a healthy (or unhealthy?) dose of bipolar and some brain damage tossed in for good measure…
Well, it was clear I wouldn’t be able to continue.
The breaking point came at such an odd time to me. I was plugging away, cranking out drinks faster than I’d ever imagined I could, and my manager comes back and tells me I’ve been called into a meeting. Confusing, but okay. Usually, they just ignore me and keep me chugging along. Turns out, I was called in to be scolded for all sorts of stuff.
My anxiety, admittedly, was in full freak out mode when I got to the back office. My supervisor’s supervisor, her supervisor, and then her supervisor were all sitting with stern expressions on their faces. I was told quietly to close the door behind me and offered a seat. And then, it began.
I won’t go into everything that was brought up. The short summary is I was accused of being lazy because I needed time off for my brain. Then I was accused of not asking for that time correctly, because apparently somewhere along the line I was supposed to start reporting to a different manager. And then, I was accused of a whole host of things I wasn’t doing properly. Once I’d explained every item on their list, they turned around and said “We’ve always appreciated you. You’re such a hard worker.”
To say I was upset would be putting it mildly.
I later found out they handled it that way because if they’d just come to me directly and asked me or clarified rules, they wouldn’t be able to put it in writing. Sure enough, the next day I was hauled in and given a paper outlining our “conversation” with all the instructions on how I was supposed to be doing my job. I was told to review it, add comments, and then sign it for my file.
Needless to say, as soon as I got home, both Mike and Morgan looked at me and said: “You’re turning in your notice tomorrow.” I did it.
Long story, short… I’m home now. All day, every day – at least until I can find a new job.
The last few days of my time at work were very mixed. It was hard to say goodbye to my students, and even now I miss them so much. I planned to have a going away dinner there. I was going to buy my meal after work on my last day and hang out so students could come to say goodbye if they wanted. Alas, that was apparently too much for management.
I was pulled back into the office two and a half hours before the end of my shift on my last day and told I was being let go early. I was not allowed to eat there that night, nor come back to any of their dining facilities ever again. Likewise, I was to be escorted to the locker room to collect my stuff and if I wasn’t leaving immediately, I was required to stay in the office with a supervisor until my ride got there.
Altogether, because of that, I started feeling a lot less broken up about my decision.
I’ll admit, I have no idea what the future is going to bring. I know, for now, I’m home. I get quiet time to relax, actually have the energy to spend some time with my kids, and I’m getting to do something I love (this!). I’ve got some apps out and hopefully I’ll have a future there at some point, but for now, this is good.
After all – It means I get to spend more time with you! And that’s something I am genuinely happy for.
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